Getting Nowhere?

I was recently asked the question, “So how do you like being a pastor’s wife?”  My reply, “It wouldn’t have been what I chose for myself but it is what God chose for me.”  I could pretend it’s all wonderful but honestly, it’s really hard.  I don’t hear a lot of honesty on this subject and at first I thought I was the only one who felt this way.  You see, for some reason we are not supposed to talk about the difficulties we face.  I happen to think it’s time to be honest.  If people don’t know what hurts you and why it hurts you, how can they know to do better?

I’ll begin by saying that coming into and then accomplishing anything in  a  church where the former pastor was there for 30 years sometimes seems like an impossible task.  The new pastor comes in with the idea that the church wants to see changes due to the fact that it has seen a decline in the previous years.  But he soon finds out that this decline needs to be turned around but it must be done without any changes.  He also soon finds out that Satan’s opposition isn’t necessary because the members will provide plenty of that.  Any ideas he has are quickly halted by those who feel it can only be done the “way it’s always been done.”

My intention is not to be hurtful but just to be honest.  When we spend a great deal of our time fighting against the grumbling and complaining that trickle through the church, it’s becomes exhausting.  It begins to feel as though we are walking on  treadmill.  Like we are working, working, working and getting no where.

All I’m saying is, give the guy a chance.  At some point just let go and give him a chance.  You might be surprised at what God can do through him if you do.  I am so thankful for those who choose to be an encouragement to us as the pastors family.  Believe me, we need it.  Those encouragers make it worth it.  You know who you are.  You have been a lifeline for me.  You are being used by God in a way you might not realize.  Wouldn’t it be wonderful if everyone was?  Which one are you?

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12 Responses to Getting Nowhere?

  1. I always knew whoever took on the task would have a great challenge before them. Honestly, I am surprised of the changes that have occurred. There was a time frame, when none of it would have happened. I personally think you both do a great job. Hang in there. 🙂

  2. Kim Darnell says:

    Your honesty and vulnerability is what is missing in most churches. It’s refreshing. Thanks for having the courage to share. Praying for you, my friend!

  3. David Shinault says:

    Good word Phyllis!

  4. David E. Owen says:

    ‎– The scenario you describe is taking place in so many churches. It is even worse following a long-tenured pastor because of all the comparisons. Take comfort in the fact that you have obeyed God in going to that place of service and that you and Charlie are doing what God has called you to do, whether others are or not. How right you are to rejoice and find satisfaction in those who are being ministered to. As a fellow-laborer who has been in the same boat, my thoughts and prayers are with you both that you will continue to find strength and encouragement in the Lord. God bless you.

  5. Donna Coleman says:

    I am so glad you are not afraid to speak out I think you guys are awesome!You are definitely in the right because you have obeyed God’s calling

  6. Oh, how I love your honesty and transparency! Thank you for sharing…please know confidently that you all are in my prayers! I’m so grateful that God has given you so many opportunities to share His truth and what He’s teaching you…not just to your church, but also to all of us. Keep at it; He’s worth it!! (“For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us.” ~Rom. 8:18)

  7. Charity Roberts Cantrell says:

    Coming from a pastor’s family myself….. your words are so true! Keep the faith..God will reward yall b/c yall are faithful servants for him!

  8. Phyllis says:

    Thanks for you comments everyone. It always concerns me when I write something so blunt. I appreciate the encouragement.

  9. Brenda says:

    Oh my goodness Phyllis, How true are the words that you put to print. I am so proud of you for putting it on the line. You know how much you and Charley mean to me and my family, but I want you to know that you alone are so very special to me. I enjoy spending time with you and you are truly a mentor to me. We couldn’t have had a better Pastor picked, if I would have hand picked you two myself. I love you my friend. I will be beside you every step of the way.

  10. Phyllis says:

    Reblogged this on Phyllis and Friends and commented:

    I wrote this post about a year ago after dealing with a difficult situation in our ministry. God has brought me through that situation but this post reminds me of that very fact. He is with us as we serve Him and sees us through every obstacle we face.

  11. Pingback: Getting No Where ( repost from Sept 2011) | Phyllis and Friends

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